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Holiday without the kids

I recently came across an article about a mom not feeling guilty for choosing to go on holidays without her kids. I really don’t feel like judging her as if that makes her happy then amen! But, I am completely the opposite… I actually think I have a serious case of “Italian mamma attachment” to my children…

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Since Beatrice was born (and we are talking about 6 years ago) I’ve been away from her only for two nights and the same for Leonardo… I cannot possibly imagine being away from my kids, especially to go on holidays. I’m what you would call an extreme case…

In my head I’ve always. firmly believed that if I decided to have kids it was because I wanted to create memories with them, share experiences with them and that I’ll have plenty of time to share a “romantic” holiday with my husband when they will be all grown up so for me it’s unthinkable to leave for a vacation without them.

beautiful scenary in ITaly

And the reason is simple.. there is no way I could enjoy the time away! I’d be thinking about what they are doing, if they are ok, if they miss me, and what if they feel they want mommy and I can’t be there… somehow I think it’s my control freak nature that tells me that no one can look after them better than I do… I know that they need to be with their mommy… or at least I want to believe that.

Mad? Maybe.

I definitely feel that a bit of “me time”every now and again would do me good,  but at the moment I feel I have my moments of freedom when I go grocery shopping (desperate!) and spend 2 hours away from the screams and the tantrums and the “Mamma I had it first!” or when my husband and I go out for dinner and we enjoy some food in peace. Yep, that’s enough for me to recharge and go home full of desire to kiss them again.

Is that odd?Is it really strange that I’d like to do everything with my kids? Maybe but it works for me.

I remember we once went to a wedding and asked to take Beatrice (who was less than 2 year old at that time) and everyone was surprised because we didn’t get a nanny to look after her for the night to go and enjoy the wedding.

Italian wedding

If Beatrice would have not been there, I would have probably not remembered the wedding for any particular reason. Instead I remember seen her so little and loving the dance floor! And I remember the look in her eyes when she first saw the bride and she thought it was a beautiful princess. And the moment she jumped inside the vintage car stealing the groom place.

We loved sharing that moment with her and if that meant to be back home a little earlier then it was all worth it.

I often hear phrases like “I cannot wait for my children to be bigger so we can leave them with the grandparents”and to those parents who wish to spend a week “child free” I’d say “good for you!” because I wouldn’t know how to enjoy that time without being surrounded by my little treasures.

A year of pure love

I cannot believe in less than a month my little precious baby is going to be one!

Sometimes it’s been hard but being a mom is the most amazing experience someone can live and although I promised myself that this time I’d have cherished even more every single moment, it just went too fast! In the last 2 months Leo has developed so many new skills and doesn’t behave like a baby anymore.. he’s more indipendent (ouch!) and he’s become a little man showing strong signs of his own personality…

For the past year being Leo’s mum meant:

– kissing, more kissing and kissing again his precious soft skin most of the day

– feeling so much love in my heart every time he smiled at me, he fell asleep in my arms, he looked for me, he felt secure while feeding to my breast

– crying and feeling helpless when he had colics

– cuddling him, especially when he first fell or got upset

– feeling emotional when he first said mamma, when he started crawling and now when he took his first steps

– pulling faces to make him smile and then listening to his incredible funny laugh

– watching him bonding with his sister and getting so attached to her

– making him discover that there is other yummy food a part from breastmilk

– experiencing with him the feeling of water and seeing his passion for swimming growing

– watching him discover new things like music, nature

– teaching him to be kind to our kitties (not really working yet!)

– noticing his eyes sparkle every time I say “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!”

– watching him  play with a new toy

– protecting him, always

– falling in love again and again every day

I feel blessed, I really do… and every time I’m sad for any other reason, I need to remember that this was my dream, and my dream came true so nothing else matters.